Last night I celebrated my birthday with some girlfriends whom I had known for almost 30 years. We all agreed we had not laughed so hard in a long time, and I felt grateful to have their loving attention and regard. Although we went out dancing till late, I still felt invigorated and refreshed the next day. Though it can be rare to still be near people who have known us that long, new connections are valuable too.
One of the telltale signs that someone is depressed, is when they withdraw from their social life and their circle of support, whether it is family or “family of choice”. Often there is not the urge to reach out, and loneliness and isolation are the results. Maybe you wonder what people will think of you, or you compare yourself negatively to others. Unfortunately, it seems that Social Media has not reduced the numbers of depressed and anxious people, as it is now all too easy to hide behind a ‘Social Mask”, where all seems rosy and ideal in a Facebook presentation. There is a tendency to compare yourself with those photographs posted of only happy times when your peers seem to have a Perfect Life. We actually need to touch someone, talk face to face, and take a risk to connect and find out what’s really happening.
Perhaps there is the anxiety that if you make yourself available to a neighbor or a friend in need that you will get too overwhelmed; however one can practice “give and take”, and establish good boundaries. A counselor or therapist can help you know how. It does take some practice to develop the art of being a good friend, neighbor or housemate. Dating online can be a challenge too, but you need to find that special “other” -so maybe get some help to present your Profile.
New in town? The Front Range can be challenging for friendships at times with a busy, transient, younger population pursuing outside recreational interests. How about starting a reciprocal babysitting network? Why not look on Meetup.com or join one of the many educational classes at a community college? Or perhaps if you are feeling too anxious or depressed, go on “Psychology Today” and look for therapists who run processing or support groups, or psychoeducational groups.
There are great support groups like the Northstar Alliance for those with Depression and Bipolar Disorders, and for families of those who are mentally ill, contact NAMI. (Colorado and National associations connecting families for education and support for loved ones). Post-divorce groups and Bereavement groups are wonderful too. Hospices in the various counties often run free groups.
I have a great Women’s group that has been going for years, that provides support and education for those who have depression and anxiety. A male colleague runs a men’s group. At various times of the year I also run psychoeducational groups with topics like Mindfulness or Emotion Regulation.
Take a risk, resist your tendency to withdraw, and connect with someone, or a group- your quality of life will be enhanced, and research shows that you will live longer and healthier!
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