What I find so interesting about the psychological principles I was trained in ( transpersonal, humanist, somatic), is the overlap between developing insight into oneself, finding self-compassion, and recognizing that this compassion can help smooth the way to connecting with others. The experience of fear, self-loathing and anxiety is not about self-acceptance or compassion. Needing to change this experience is why most come to therapy in the first place.
Many of my clients’ goals include the wish to feel happier about their lives. There is such a lot of self-criticism and harsh judgment which, apart from turning on oneself, can get projected onto others or society. That involves a lot of suffering. Isn’t there a more effective way to live life?
Here are some definitions of compassion which actually come from both secular and spiritual sources: In the Miriam Webster dictionary the Latin root “com” means “with” and “pati” is “to suffer”. So compassion is “the sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with the desire to alleviate it”. Christian author and Presbyterian minister Frederick Buechner, states “compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is to live in somebody else’s skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too”. In a more poetic Buddhist translation it is “a heart that can tremble in the face of suffering”. And the Dalai Lama said “I believe that at every level of society, the key to a happier world is the growth of compassion”.
One of the main understandings of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is that your experience of life is inevitably full of pain and difficult emotions. You get dealt a particular hand of cards and you can either choose to play this as skillfully as you can, or you give up and refuse to play. This sounds like the hopelessness of depression to me. DBT also indicates that as you develop an understanding that you can accept yourself while at the same time try different ways to find that “life worth living” (the DBT mission) that development of acceptance and self-compassion leads you to be understanding of others and their struggles too.
When I see the Coronavirus slogan which is everywhere these days “We’re all in this together”, I really do feel that mindful compassion for our chaotic health situation, our racial struggles, our political divisions, could really help us all.
If you need some compassionate support in these difficult, chaotic times and some coping skills to ride the waves of life, or you are struggling in communicating with another, contact me.
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