It’s no secret that our thinking minds are very powerful; we often believe most things we tell ourselves. Then there is the problem of what we interpret OTHERS are thinking, and that can get very confusing in interpersonal relationships…ever gotten anxious about that?
Last week I was convinced that I had upset my website assistant. After we had a difference of perspective on a writing project, I had not heard back from her for a couple of weeks, and no matter what medium I used- email, phone or text- I had not heard a word. So I began telling myself that I had hurt her feelings and that she was upset with me and had dropped me! I found myself devising well-written apologies and pleading for reconciliation. I berated myself too- how could I make my living as a therapist and alienate someone I depended on? Maybe I am actually not very skilled as a communicator…When she finally responded it turned out she was just out of phone and internet range at a retreat all that time, and all the anxiety and stress I had built up was totally unfounded!
So how do you know you are telling yourself some distorted story about your reality? When someone is anxious or depressed, it’s like seeing the world through a cloudy, dingy set of sunglasses. Whatever negative thing happens, the person tells themselves it will happen again and again, and there is no hope that anything will turn out OK. Since the root of anxiety is essentially fear, then everything looks scary and overwhelming. The experience of any trauma can also distort the stories you tell yourself, so it is very important to become conscious of how past traumatic experience colors your perspective of the world too.
It is helpful to consult with a therapist who can train you to use your “Wise Mind” to “reality check” the stories you tell yourself. The practice of Mindfulness helps you know the tendencies and types of storytelling that show up in your mind. Staying in the Present Moment can reality-test all the ‘what-ifs ‘ and the ‘if-onlys’ that drive your Anxious Mind. Also learning how to calm your Sympathetic Nervous System by relaxing the body, and practicing Mind-Body disciplines like yoga or T’ai Chi, Authentic Movement or meditating, can be very useful. Knowing that you are NOT your emotions- you experience them, and they don’t necessarily give you a truthful solution to an issue- is also what I can help you with.
I work with individuals and couples using Mindfulness, the body, movement, visualization and Dialectical Behavior Therapy. We work together to uncover the negative stories that tend to run your overreactions to life. Why suffer unnecessarily?
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