It’s astonishing to me that many of my very capable clients have quite negative views of themselves. It becomes even more surprising when I find my friends admitting that they speak severely to themselves too! And whether we admit it or not, many of us make judgmental statements about others. Since human relationships and personalities are mostly never entirely good/bad or right/wrong, why do we judge ourselves and others so harshly?
Whether it’s blaming others or blaming yourself, the outcome is the same: the feelings of not being enough, not accomplishing enough, or generally being unworthy, lead to shame, guilt and anxiety, or feeling like an imposter and trying to feel superior to others… anxiety is often triggered by a sense of being imperfect, and depression occurs when you’ve given up.
In Mindfulness training, the suspension of judgment is a primary practice, and perhaps the most difficult. Since fear and comparisons to “safe “people and places have always driven survival of the species, now a different outlook is being considered. Instead of diving right into reactivity and judgment, the lesson is to observe what is actually going on in the present moment, with the senses. Then assumptions, prejudices and ‘fear mongering’ can be better avoided. When a pejorative word is used to blame or label (“you’re a jerk!” “I’m a F*k up”) or even extreme positive judgments (“you’ve GOT to eat at this FABULOUS restaurant!”) then opinion tends to masquerade as fact. Don’t go for such Fake News! Why stress out more, and tax the brain’s health? You are not built to stay in your Sympathetic Nervous system, always bracing for the worst.
The practice of suspending judgment, as taught in Mindfulness training, is helpful for calming the nervous system and testing reality. Look for the next Mindfulness training on my website in the Events area.
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