The most anxiety-provoking aspect of living through this Pandemic has been the confusion and uncertainty of the messages I am receiving. My nervous system responds better to some definite directives that don’t contradict each other and might lead to n predictable outcome; but the messages from Federal, State, County and local authorities on whether to keep staying at home or scheduling a haircut all seem to be different! Also, it makes me anxious that there are supposedly three different options to how long the COVID-19 might progress, none of which sound like reliable predictions. Does any of this resonate with you too?
So there is a good article in “Psychology Today” by Bruce Feiler called “The Non-Linear Life”. He maintains that our expectations of orderly progress in life are out of date. The occurrence of crises, his research suggests, is the ‘new normal’. He reminds us those cultural expectations of how our lives should progress, and that crises should be rare, is a mistake. He names a whole “Deck of Disruptors” which ranges from custody battles to looking for a job. We all have individual timelines when our lives are disrupted. But who can really predict what effect the global shutdown due to COVID-19 will have on us, or what changes we might make in our lives due to a virus?
What we need to remember is that according to Feiler’s research, these transitions where anxiety becomes high are more prevalent than we have realized, and that we need to learn how to better navigate these disruptions. In fact, he proposes that as life becomes more complex in the 21st century, transitions are becoming more plentiful. He says that every 12-18 months we experience a disruptor and that three to five disruptors in our adult life are major “lifequakes” that lead to major transitions. They take longer that we want them to (an average of five years) and that they are “autobiographical occasions” where we can get to review our life stories. He says “It’s time to see us for what we are: a people perpetually in flux”.
Because the nature of anxiety is about our Animal Brains trying to predict what is unsafe, and prepare for this, no wonder our nervous systems look for some sort of order and predictability in the confusion. What would serve our Human Brains more would be to become “Comfortable with Uncertainty” (a book by Pema Chodron) and to learn what we can control and what we need to Radically Accept (a DBT skill).
When I work with those who have panic, high anxiety, or depression, I help folks build resilience, make meaning of their life stories, and have a bigger toolbox to help with these Disruptors and transitions. The more we practice remembering that the only thing certain is change, the more we can let go into uncertainty.
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