Boundaries: are intrusions making you anxious?

The word “boundary” implies something we can see, but psychologically it is more challenging to understand how unseen boundaries work or can affect you. How do I know what’s effective for me, you ask? Perhaps you are so anxious about trying to respond appropriately to all this social input that it’s hard to figure out on your own…

Although humans are wired to connect and be social, there is a downside at times to this need. I have clients who tell me about their chaotic households growing up, where there was literally no privacy, either in the bathroom or emotionally. Some bosses literally feel like their office door always needs to be open, and then feel absolutely exhausted.  The feelings of being intruded upon or not having one’s wishes respected or acknowledged can bring on animal instincts of ‘perceived threat’ or of feeling unheard. When our needs for both space and closeness on our own terms are not validated, then anxiety and possibly depression (depressing unacceptable feelings) can be the result.

Exploring and practicing what makes your individual personality thrive, is the purpose of therapy and counseling. Setting limits and communicating your needs is a very important part of skill building. Maybe your physical space has been intruded upon in the past or present, and you need to understand and build skills to be clear about who you allow near you, or how to end a draining friendship.  The same goes for emotional boundaries; in learning the new Attachment theories of relating to others, you can know your own style in relating and whether you tend to be Anxious, Avoidant or Secure, and how this affects intimate relationships.

You can develop healthy boundaries with other topics too- with Religious or spiritual issues, with professional and intellectual limits, with sexuality, or the unseen energies of others. As a counselor, I  have learned to set personal boundaries with clients, like how late someone can call me at night!

As a body/mind therapist I can help you with all these boundaries. Often we need to start with the understanding of your own body and although your skin is the primary physical boundary, you are an ‘energy being’ too. If you feel drained physically, mentally or psychologically, you need my help to regain your confidence in yourself, clarify what you need for effective limits. Why not build some skills to have the best intimate relationship ever, the most fulfilling experience at work, a better ability to set limits when you need to? Contact me for behavioral coping skills.