Relationships- more stress than they’re worth?

I often see couples in my practice who are struggling with communicating to each other in their relationship. Sometimes one or both of the partners are burnt out in their jobs, or caring for kids as well as trying to find time to connect. Perhaps due to exhaustion, depression, and anxiety, the couples’ intimacy (both emotional and sexual), has been lost. One client described himself as being “on autopilot”, just going through the motions of life rather than enjoying his partner. He did not know where to start to change this.

Others have decided that it is far too anxiety provoking to even consider relating intimately to another; they are anxious about failure or attracting someone unhealthy from an online dating site. It is true- keeping or finding a healthy relationship does take some awareness of your own needs and any potential pitfalls.

There are ways, even in this driven, anxious life, to find that connection to each other again. Having been in a relationship for over thirty years, I can speak from experience about what may help you find that “spark” that renews connection and passion, take a risk to get close to someone or move on from a toxic relationship.

First of all, unless you can relate to yourself and tolerate your own foibles, it will be more challenging to accept others. So having a clearer understanding of your own personality is extremely helpful. The practice of Mindfulness is key here. Many disagreements are about one person seeing a situation so differently from the other that there seems no solution. Accepting that every person’s perspective on life is as valid as your own, is important, and learning ways of talking to each other to get needs met is a lifelong practice. I can help you learn these skills for more effective communication. In my Dialectical Behavior Therapy trainings on Interpersonal Effectiveness, you can also brush up on topics you may have forgotten- or never even learned- like how to maintain your own self-respect, or how to set limits while still connecting lovingly to an intimate other.

Please visit my website on the “Events” tab for any workshops coming up, or make a couples or individual appointment. I will be honored to help you find how to be in a relationship in a more satisfying way.