I love Spring; the crocuses and daffodils blossoming brighten my mood and lift my anxiety. There is the hope of expansion, sunshine and the promise of life in all its beauty. I feel more open hearted, wanting to hike or visit with friends after the colder ‘cocooning’ winter.
When I read an article on the shootings at the Mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand where we visited a few years ago, I wonder at the magnitude of fear and hate that drives a person to kill 50 others. As Jacinda Ardern the NZ Prime Minister said, the country was singled out “because we represent diversity, kindness, compassion, a home for those who share our values”. These qualities seemed to be an alarming message to someone who was looking to expel the “other” and saw Moslems as a threat.
Neuroscience tells us that the human ‘animal’ part of us is wired to look for danger and anything different in our environment which might challenge our survival. At the same time we have wiring through our Vagus nerves, to temper our territoriality and allow us to socialize; also because we survive better in groups. When we fear the Unknown (tribe or group, immigrant or someone who does not look or worship like us) we can feel this as a risk to comfort, safety and security. Even coming into a therapist’s office can feel risky; what happens if I open up to this stranger, even though she assures me of confidentiality? What if I find out some dreadful secret about myself which will drive others away? Shame (which makes us withdraw) is very deep in many folks. And yet our wiring as human beings is to connect, to be curious, and be in our “alert but relaxed” nervous system most of the time, rather than “fight or flight”.
One of the signs of depression is isolating oneself; there is shame and fear and wanting to protect oneself from possible exposure to others judgments,or because one feels over stimulated by the outside world. It feels safer to turn inwards and mull over regrets or procrastinate about the fearful future. Sometimes it’s even about making up stories that have no connection to outside reality!
Since I have run groups of many kinds over many years- (for therapy, for support, for training, for artistic expression), I have noticed how valuable it is for those who are fearful, to find that others understand them, where they can express themselves without judgment, and that they can feel they belong to a group of humans who respect their differences and their sameness. Getting a “reality check” from others is also helpful. We are built to go towards connection and growth, just like the crocuses accept the sun…
If you are feeling lonely, anxious, worried about life in general, I suggest that you find a group of like minded people who you can share yourself safely with; I offer Mindfulness trainings which train tools for staying observant and awake in a compassionate way towards yourself and others, or therapy groups, or you can go online to “meetup.com” or any other organization which offers connection with like minded individuals. You may have to push yourself a bit, but Spring is a time for taking a risk and stepping out of your cocoon!
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