When I was in my late teens I failed a very important Ballet exam and had a major panic attack. Since I was a high achiever, it colored my feelings about dancing as well as exams of all kinds, and I avoided both for years. I did not want to feel like a failure. I was not going to let the pain and anxiety of this happen again! Needless to say, since I loved dancing, this caused a lot of sadness and left a hole in my life.
There is a self-protective tendency to avoid things that we are scared of. That’s our old ‘survival brain’ talking to us. Anxiety and depression can stem from old fears (such as of failure, loss, or even near death experiences) that we still carry in our memories. And although there may have been an original trauma- a car accident, the loss of a loved one- does that mean we keep avoiding driving or loving someone for the rest of our lives?
Since the stories that we run in our minds tend to be nothing to do with what’s happening here right now, it is ineffective to believe and act on them. (see Mindfulness)
There is a technique called “exposure therapy” where a traumatized or anxious person can begin to regain confidence in their abilities to be resilient again. By exposing themselves in stages to the fearful situation (as long as it is not going to result in death or injury), they can improve and regain their quality of life. When I work with clients with a particular phobia or fear, we make a “degrees of difficulty” in tolerating this fearful situation, so that over a period of the timeline agreed upon, they can reduce their fear levels. So there is added confidence that gets built in achieving a step by step level of tolerance to this situation, whether it’s getting back into dating or flying in a plane.
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) training for Emotion Regulation, there are the ABC skills- Accumulating Positive Emotions, Building Mastery, and Coping Ahead with stressful situations. All of these decrease the level of anxiety by reinforcing your achievements and helping you become aware of how you sabotage yourself with “yes, buts…”
Desensitization or Exposure therapy is an individual process, and DBT skills can be learned in groups or individually.
Whether you have generalized anxiety that makes you avoid the full experience of this amazing life, or whether you have specific ones like social anxiety, I can help.
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