For the past few days, I have been worried about an elderly friend of mine who lives alone. She was not answering her phone and I suspected that she might have needed help. It turns out that she did have to go to the ER, but luckily she had a friend close by she could call. I got to talk to her today and was so relieved. I know her death is inevitable, but the thought of her ultimately leaving her body is painful.
Of course, it’s easy to get anxious about our elders; we helped my mother through her end-of-life transition and experienced the issues. I understand that as I age, I have to confront my own mortality. The old truism that we don’t get out of this life alive, has definitely become more relevant as we move through the Pandemic too. We are continually being reminded of the frailty of the human body and mind. We live in a culture that denies the Cycle of Life and promotes the idea that we should stay young, and that death is avoidable if we take the proper precautions! Unfortunately, this is not much of a strategy to navigate what actually happens. We no longer have a village culture where elders are taken care of by relatives until they fade away, and we have so much technology that is invested in keeping us alive as long as possible. But how about the psychological aspects of our dying? What can we do to have our last wishes known?
One of my friends is organizing a picnic to talk about aging and dying, (“Dying to talk about death?” is the title) It’s a topic that my baby boomer friends tend to avoid, despite most of us being the next generation in line. But the topic was also avoided by people of my mother’s generation too. I am curious about how this picnic will unfold and what we will share.
A discussion with family, friends or partners about spiritual beliefs or expectations around the dying process is one way to open up about fears and anxieties. And whether one believes that there is life after death, reincarnation or that the death of the body is the ultimate finale, this is so important. There is not a way to persuade someone that they should believe differently either. The chaplains at Hospice come from every denomination and are extraordinary in their ability to listen.
It is possible to discuss with friends and family, a more graceful ending to our “one precious life” (from the Mary Oliver poem). I would be honored if you wanted to talk to me about your concerns.
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