Last night we attended an annual Halloween dance party which has been part of a nearly thirty-year tradition for our circle of friends. It is always fun to try to guess who the familiar person might be, under some outlandish costume. Sometimes it is easy (despite the elaborate disguise), to pick up a known trait or posture; other times I might never find out who is dressed as that mysterious Werewolf or that pale Spirit. There is an attraction to exploring the dark or hidden side of oneself at this time of year, where a costume may help us embody aspects we ordinarily prefer to avoid.
The anxious mind is often preoccupied with regrets about the past or endless negative rehearsals of future events; there might be a tendency to always expect the worst outcome. Many of us are ashamed, guilty or fearful of our past actions. This society tends to avoid topics like death, malice, jealousy, and manipulation, except in the movies. I am often shocked by the level of violence and cruelty played out in dramas on the TV. No wonder our kids develop nightmares! The rate of child clients coming in with anxiety and depression continues to increase, and this is very concerning to me. How can we learn to tolerate our human nature? Most of us do not deliberately have evil intentions or encounter those who do.
Many people come into therapy feeling lost and seeking to find themselves again. or they want to change behaviors that are not serving them effectively. The path of self-reflection and acceptance of oneself is often painful but in the end, relieving. Because, if you don’t know yourself, how do you know what you need, and how can others figure out how to approach or communicate with you?
I have supported many people to confront their “dark side” and learn to integrate and accept certain aspects of themselves. My belief is that most folks learn certain “strategies” to survive, sometimes at an early age where there is less experience and understanding and more vulnerability. The discovery that these old strategies continue to be used even decades later, can be painful- especially when they are no longer helpful. I can help clients identify their “old scripts” and try new behaviors that are more effective. The practice of Mindfulness is an ideal tool. Resolving trauma and gaining insights through Dance/Movement therapy or Hypnosis can be helpful too. You have the right to lead fulfilling and happy lives. Why not give yourself the gift of “A life worth living” as the developer of DBT, Dr Marsha Linehan, states?
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