Triggers- anger, fear or sadness getting the best of you?

The word “trigger” in the popular psychology vocabulary means one’s spontaneous reaction to a situation, either outside you, or to an internal memory or stimulus. As the word implies, it can happen very quickly like firing a gun…the only problem is, the gun is your emotions firing- sometimes inappropriately- and often with no control. Anger is one of those emotions that can be very difficult.

We all have triggers that set us off into reactivity. The other weekend I was told by an old friend that she had avoided answering the phone to me for months because I was “bossy”; I was surprised how much this hurt my feelings, and although my rational mind knows I can be bossy, I was triggered into an old story of not feeling I was a good enough friend or that I had not done enough for her. I remarked that it would have been helpful to know this so we could at least talk about her experience.

Of course we are human animals, and that is why it is so confusing to the rational part of our brains, that the emotional part of us tends to react anyway, despite our best intentions. We have a primary drive towards survival and we make up all sorts of strategies to avoid being hurt, whether the threat is physical or emotional. Perhaps my old story of not doing enough in close relationships was my attempt to be a better child for my parents, or to control life more; it is fascinating to track these old reactions! And knowledge and compassion for ourselves is key to healing.

In a session, I work with a client, say, who is struggling to control her emotions. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (the Middle Path between two opposites which may both be true- (see DBT on my website) – has some wonderful skills to help her distress; she can learn how to first gain control by recognizing and naming her emotion and even the story that triggered her, then reduce or avoid the trigger before it happens, or manage the emotion better. Triggers will always happen, but you don’t have to wound your recipient or yourself! The art of Communicating effectively is also an integral part of Dialectical Behavior Therapy training.

These skills can be learned individually or in a group setting; contact me to learn how to manage triggering emotions more skillfully!