If you had told me forty years ago that my next career move was to become a psychotherapist, I would have laughed in disbelief. At this stage, I knew I had some emotional stuff to sort through but I had little familiarity with therapy. Where and how I grew up (in a rural town in Australia in the 1960s) encouraged the philosophy of “toughing it out”. Needing a therapist, someone you didn’t know, whom you talked about sensitive emotions with, made you flawed, perhaps even legitimately “crazy”. This now seems so strange in retrospect and I regret that I did not have access to psychotherapy then.
Well…Change countries and life choices and- now, here I am…
There is something strange about the role of a therapist. Yes, going to see someone who you have not known before, usually in a small room for an hour at a time, and where you are expected to bear your intimate details, can be initially quite nerve-wracking!
Sometimes I feel like I am a parent, or a good friend, or a caring sibling…although I am none of these, the caring and compassionate approach is the key component. Most research on psychotherapy maintains that it is not necessarily the modality used in treatment that is the most important, but that a strong therapeutic relationship is essential.
Both the client and the therapist have their own responses in this relationship. The responses of the client are usually called ‘transference’ where the client feels they are actually interacting with a personality remembered from their daily experience. This can mean getting triggered into an emotional state. The therapist also can get triggered, and have a ‘counter transference’ reaction. As in real-life interactions, some folks can never really get on with each other, and it is the therapist’s responsibility to investigate this conflict with their client, so that better communication skills can be learnt. I refer to a therapy session as an opportunity to ‘rehearse’ real-life scenarios, practice ‘what-ifs” and become mindful of ineffective habits. And of course, therapy provides insights into oneself and others.
If the relationship is beyond repair then it is the therapist’s duty to refer the client to someone more attuned to their needs.
Gone are the days where a client can spend 20 years lying on an analyst’s couch verbalizing ‘streams of consciousness’ which the therapist records. These days, much of the timing is dictated by insurance companies, but it has made me stay more focused, ask for short and long-term goals, and help folks practice behavioral skills, so that I myself can soon become redundant. After all, this is about you accessing and developing YOUR wisdom to navigate life; I am here for a shorter time to help support that wisdom.
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